


Love Whilst Looking

by orphan_account



Series: 1,000 Followers Prompts [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe-Non Magic, Bullying, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Implied Transphobia, Jewish Remus, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Trans Sirius, baker Sirius, stammering, stutter, trans Marlene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 10:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6420934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a new shop opens up across from Remus' office, he starts to pine for the gorgeous baker.  His affections are returned when Sirius and Remus start exchanging window notes to each other.  Eventually Remus' best friend Marlene has had enough, and tells Remus it's time to take the next step, and with that courage, their entire worlds change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Whilst Looking

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 1000 followers prompt by emilyeatyourdinner- In response to your 1000-followers post: Remus, with a stammer? Where he's done a lot of work becoming comfortable with his voice (ordering coffee, asking for help in the record shop etc) but is worried about how Sirius might react to his voice because of his epic crush on him. Maybe Snape outs Remus' stutter before he's ready? Maybe some fluff? Take care!
> 
> So I've done a stammer fic before, so I wanted to take this in a different direction, and also pay my tribute to today's Trans day of visibility. Hope you all enjoy!

The shop was semi-new. A hybrid of music and coffee and some used books. Remus had never seen anything like it before, but he could get behind the idea absolutely. Three of his favourite things, coffee because he had chronic insomnia, reading mostly because it was a coping mechanism left over from when he was younger and kids were awful, and music because it was the only time he could string together sentences without stammering.

It was a trick his speech therapist learnt worked for him, and he used it up until his school mates learnt he would sing at home instead of speak most of the time because it helped him get the words out. The bullying was relentless and he’d stopped, instead focusing on other means of communication. His parents had been devastated. It had worked so well and Remus had been happy.

But children could be right little bastards. And Remus suffered for it.

At twenty-eight now he was far from that embarrassed child. He had a stammer still, but he lived with it. If a shop person was annoyed by it, that wasn’t his problem. Servers would roll their eyes but he would steadfastly refuse to give up, and force them to wait until he’d got out the entire sentence.

It was less bad now than it was when he was younger. Age and coping taught him that he could avoid certain words and sounds, taught him to speak slower when he was stressed, and really just taught him that he didn’t care.

It didn’t matter.

He had an okay job, and decent friends.

The shop, The Marauders, opened up across from Remus’ work, and he had been thinking about going in for ages. In fact he fully intended to on their opening day until he spotted one of the most attractive people he’d ever seen in his life unloading crates of what looked like old vinyl through a side door.

“Stare much?” came a laughing voice. Remus turned to see Marlene holding a cigarette pinched between her fingers, her shoulder resting against the brick wall. “You could go and say hi.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Right.”

“M’only saying. You never date and he’s fit as hell. I mean, as your friendly neighbourhood lesbian I might not be the best judge but…”

“F-friendly?” Remus asked, taking a pull of his own cigarette. “Who s-said you were f-friendly?”

“Everyone thinks so,” she said flippantly. 

They fell into a companionable silence, watching as a few others joined the move. A tall Indian bloke with sweat making his dark skin shine in the unforgiving June sun. His hair was wild, looked like it could do with a cut or twelve, and he kept shoving his glasses up onto his forehead to swipe away the sweat.

The fit man chatted with him, with an air like they’d known each other for all their lives. He was a little shorter, his hair twisted lazily onto the back of his head in a tight bun. He had tanned skin, a smattering of tattoos along his left arm and his calf which poked out under the jogging shorts. He was wearing a tight black tank-top, proving there was a god as he lifted up the hem to wiped his forehead revealing rather fit muscles along his abdomen.

“Thirsty as fuck,” Marlene said.

“S-shut it.”

She snickered and shook her head and started to say something else when out of the back door came a redhead wearing shorts and a too-big t-shirt. She was curvy, her hair cascading down her back, pale face with a smattering of freckles, and a huge smile. “Hot damn,” Marlene whispered.

Remus rolled his eyes again. “L-looks like I’m n-not the only thirst one r-round here.”

“No, no you’re not,” she said. “You think she’d be into me?”

“N-no self re-respecting person would t-turn you down, Marls,” Remus said.

She beamed at him. “You reckon we should offer a hand?”

“I t-think I’ll s-suffer alone here, thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” She gave his curls a ruffle before waving her hand as she crossed the street. Before Remus escaped back inside, she could hear Marlene’s chipper tone, “Oy, cutie. You want some help with that?”

*** 

Marlene made instant friends with them. The Marauders, as they called themselves and Remus thought it was so ridiculous it actually became endearing. The fit man was called Sirius, and by the end of three weeks, Remus knew far more about him than he rightfully ought to. Sirius was a gay, trans man, activist, baker, and procurer of rare vinyl which he sold for well under what they were worth because he wanted to spread the vintage-seventies-punk love across all of London.

Remus could only shudder to think what they knew about him, and eventually asked Marlene who rolled her eyes and thwaped him upside the head. “You want them to know you, go tell them your damn self. Stop pining out the window.”

Remus rather liked pining out the window. He had a view of the side of the kitchen with wide windows which allowed passers-by—and Remus—to watch Sirius bake. He was already in and started by the time Remus came in for the morning. And Remus watched him knead and mix and shape and bake and decorate and frost all sorts of things. He was perpetually covered in bits of flour and his arms stained with food colouring.

He knew Remus watched. He’d occasionally look up and his eyes would meet Remus’ and they’d exchange a quick smile. Sometimes Remus could see Sirius’ mouth moving with a song, his hips shaking as he danced. He ached. But having had a string of shite relationships and knowing that some people might have seemed great until they heard his stammer and got tired of waiting for him to get through sentences, he just wasn’t up for the risk.

So he carried on pining, the Marauders carried on marauding—baking and selling things, really—and that was that.

*** 

Remus was outside enjoying his morning smoke when suddenly there was a shadow looming. Assuming it was Marlene, he sighed and pressed the side of his hand against his brows to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked up.

Only it wasn’t Marlene at all.

It was Sirius. Sirius Black. And Remus’ heart started beating so hard he could feel it in the sides of his jaw. Sirius was there wearing jeans covered in bits of dough and frosting, an over-sized, threadbare t-shirt in a bright pink which read, ‘Darling I’m a nightmare dressed as a gay meme,’ and he was holding two take-away cups.

“You look like the mint tea sort. Dunno why. But there’s even honey in it. We actually make the tea as well, from our little herb garden. Threw some rose hips in there because you’re a growing lad who needs extra vitamins.” 

Not sure what to do, terrified to speak, Remus’ hand reached out slowly and curled round the cup. “I…” He swallowed and forced himself to speak very slowly. “Thank you.”

Sirius’ smile was wide, beaming, his eyes crinkled in the corners and Remus just then notice they were grey. Not blue. Grey. Fuck. “You’re welcome. You should stop by sometime. Join Marls. God knows she’s over there bothering us enough. I wouldn’t mind the company.”

Remus breathed in and out through his nose, then tipped the cup up in lieu of a proper answer, and Sirius’ shoulders deflated just a bit.

“Well, ought to get back. I’ve got some bread that’s about ready. See you round?” He gave Remus a mock-salute before flouncing back across the street, and disappeared into the shop.

An hour later, Remus could see Sirius tidying up. It was just before noon, and that’s usually when Sirius disappeared—though Remus wasn’t sure if it was because he left, or if he went to the record shop side of things. But he caught Sirius’ eye and smiled. Sirius grinned back, then went over to the window, blowing steam before he drew a smiling face in the fog.

With a grin, Remus grabbed his felt-tipped pen and a bit of printer paper, and scribbled, **The tea was delicious. Perfect blend. Thank you.**

He held it up against the glass, and Sirius took a formal bow in response.

Unable to stop his laugh, Remus shook his head and waved a bit stupidly until Sirius turned round, gathered his things, and was gone.

*** 

Two mornings later, Remus sat at his desk and saw a note tapped to the bakery window. He had to press his face to the glass and squint, but it read, **Go to the office back door. Thank me later.**

Scrambling from his chair, Remus did, throwing it open, and he found a take-away cup and a small paper sack with something that was very warm, and very soft. He hurried back to his desk and pulled out a round, slightly sticky, perfectly cooked sufganiyot. A bit of red jam was barely poking out over the hole, and his eyes were wide with shock.

He hadn’t tasted one, not a proper one, since he’d last been to Tel Aviv visiting his parents three years before for Hanukkah. He bit into it and almost died on the spot. How? He’d seen them in some of the specialty shops but they’d been nothing more than jam filled, ill-prepared doughnuts. This…this was heaven.

He glanced up at the bakery window and Sirius was not there, but there was a new note and it was a bit bigger this time. **Happy Hanukkah.**

Remus laughed loudly, then scribbled his own note, putting a bit of sellotape to the top in response before getting back to work. **It’s not Hanukkah. And thank you.**

The tea was a fresh, homemade Earl Grey blend, and oddly went so perfectly with the sweet. He buried himself in work though, not looking up for long enough that when he finally chanced a glance over, he saw another note, and Sirius now dancing round the baking table as he kneaded bread.

**Well it’s honorary as I never got to celebrate it with you before. Don’t worry, I have even better sweets for proper holidays. PS do you like sandwiches?**

Remus watched him dance for a while, knowing Sirius was aware of it. Eventually he taped an answer back to the window. **Depends on how good they are.**

*** 

Remus arrived to work the next day to find no note. He wondered if perhaps he’d gone too far. Or perhaps Sirius was just tired of their little game. The baking room remained empty most of the morning, and so morose, Remus didn’t look up until it was nearly time to refill his tea, and his eyes spotted a small note in the window.

**Go to the back door.**

Abandoning all pretences, he rushed to the door, flung it open, and found a paper sack and a take-away cup. 

More Earl Grey, and a veggie sandwich on house-baked bread, shaped into a heart.

Remus was fairly certain he was going to die on the spot. Sirius hadn’t returned to the baking room, but Remus still left him a note as he was leaving work.

**Best sandwich I’ve ever had. You win.**

He came in to work the next morning with a note taped to his own window. 

**What do I win? Hopefully it’s your heart.**

*** 

“This is bloody out of hand,” Marlene said, draping herself across Remus’ desk, knocking over his mug of pencils. “Go over there and talk to him. I’ve been watching you two window sext for weeks now and I can’t take it.”

Remus scrubbed his face with his hand. “It’s…I…c-can’t.”

“You bloody well can and bloody-well will before I destroy you myself.” Before Remus could reply, their boss strolled by and Marlene jumped off the desk. “King-baby! Shacks. My love…”

“You’re out of favours,” he replied dryly.

“Thursdays the trans day of visibility and there’s a rally going on. Remus and I need the day off.”

Kingsley looked over at Remus, then sighed. “I can only give one of you the time. I can’t afford both of you bunking off.”

“It’s not _bunking off_ ,” she cried indignantly. “Please!”

“Honestly, I really can’t have you both away from the desk. But decide amongst yourselves,” he said, waving his hand dismissively.

Marlene turned to Remus, her expression heartbroken. “Re…”

Remus gave her a quiet smile. “I’m guessing you’re going with that lot,” he pointed the end of his biro across the street, and the look on her face spoke volumes. “Are y-you and L-lily official yet?”

“Maybe,” she said with a shrug. She perched herself on Remus’ knee and cupped his cheek. “We always go to pride events together.”

“I know, b-but we’re proper gr-grownups now and yuh-you’ve got yourself a puh-p-pretty girlfriend and all her f-friends. It’s okay.”

Marlene looked dejected. “Please go and talk to Sirius. Please. He doesn’t know about the stammer but he won’t care. He’s so gone over you, Remus. Tomorrow go over there and order a fucking cup of tea and tell him you fancy the pants off him and that you’ll be meeting us after the rally for drinks.”

Remus wanted to argue, but he couldn’t tell her big, brown doe-eyes no. “F-fine. Tomorrow.”

She let out a happy squeal and kissed his cheek. “You won’t regret this.”

“I’d b-better n-not.”

“If you two are done with your disgusting snogging,” came a slimy voice from behind, and Remus craned his neck to see his least favourite co-worker, Severus Snape, stood behind him, “I need your reports so I can finish mine.”

“J-j-juh…” Remus took a breath. Snape always got him flustered.

“Any day now, Lupin,” Snape said, his eyes narrow.

“Fuck off,” Marlene growled. “He’ll get them to you when he gets them to you.”

“J-juh-just emailed,” Remus managed.

Snape gave another sneer, then turned on his heel and walked off.

Marlene let out a growl. “He’s such a fucking…”

“I know,” Remus said quietly, interrupting her. “B-but ignore him.”

The pair went off to work, Remus busying himself all day, only stopping for the occasional note to Sirius. But maybe Marlene was right. He ought to do something about this because the pining was out of control and damn it, he owed himself a try. At the very least. Maybe it would crash and burn, but he would give it a go.

*** 

Remus found himself sat at his desk the next morning with a breakfast blend tea with milk and honey that Sirius had left for him. He was drinking it quickly, only to have an excuse to go over before the shop closed up and the Marauders headed out to the trans rally.

He was just sipping the last bit when he heard a noise behind him, and he spun in his chair to see Marlene there with Lily, both dressed wildly in the trans flag colours. Lily had a fist full of tiny flags of all sorts clutched in her hand, and she was grinning.

“Marlene said I could officially come meet you since you were finally coming out of isolation.”

Remus glared at her, but couldn’t help a tiny smile at how cosy and adorable the pair were. “R-right,” he said, taking a breath. “Hello.” He rose, sticking out his hand, and Lily gave a gentle laugh before shaking it.

“Alright, since you can’t go, I thought I’d at least come bring you a support flag. Here’s one for Marls,” she handed him the tiny trans flag. “What other would you like?”

Remus stared then thought about Sirius and said quietly, “Gay p-pride. And b-b-bi.”

Lily handed both over, and laughed when he gave them a little wave. “Next year it’ll be the both of you, yeah?”

“If we can convince my evil, dastardly boss that he doesn’t actually need either one of us here,” Marlene grumbled, burying her face in Lily’s neck.

“W-when are you l-lot heading out?” Remus asked.

“Sirius and James are sorting out the shop now, waiting on Jamie’s boyfriend,” Lily said. “You know you could fake being ill or…or I could punch you in the mouth or something. Then he’d have to let you go.”

Remus laughed. “T-thanks. B-but I think I’ll b-be alright. I n-n-ne…” he swallowed. “I n-nuh-need more tea. Are they open?”

“Go right on. They’re open for you at least,” Lily said with a wink.

Remus blushed bright red, but grabbed his empty cup, stuck the flags on his desk, then headed out the front door. It was the moment of truth. He was all nerves. His stomach was somewhere round his ankles, but he manged to put one foot in front of the other and make the endless journey across the short road, and to the doors.

They were still open, a smattering of customers getting their drinks before the shop was closed up for the day. Sirius was behind the coffee counter, and his jaw dropped when his eyes fixed on Remus.

“No way!” he bellowed.

Remus flushed and swallowed, then nodded and gave a little wave as he got into the queue. Sirius looked like he wanted to order everyone out, but James whispered a clear threat in his ear and he pouted, but finished off the other people in the queue.

Finally when Remus got to the counter, he was flushed and his heart was beating, and Sirius looked in the same state. He clasped his hands on the counter as Remus set the empty take-away cup down, and ran his fingers into his curls.

“I…” Remus swallowed.

“What can I get you? Just say the word. Anything, and it’s yours,” Sirius said with a wide grin.

Remus tried not to die right there on the spot. “Well I…” He took another breath. “J-juh…”

“Any day luh luh luh Lupin,” came a voice behind him. Remus felt something cold and awful wash over him, and he turned his head as Severus Snape leant forward. “Let him carry on and he can guh guh go all day,” Snape mocked.

Sirius’ eyes went wide and his hands clenched tight on the counter. “Remus. D’you have a stammer?”

Remus nodded, miserable and ready to bold. He took a step back, but Sirius’ hand darted out and caught him by the wrist.

“Are you alright with speaking, or do you prefer another way to communicate?”

“Honestly, is this going to take much longer,” Snape asked.

“You can shut the entire fuck up,” Sirius barked at him.

Remus felt his chest go warm, and he turned. “Fuck you, S-Severus. I’m g-going to t-ta-take my t-time.”

“And honestly your business isn’t wanted here so you can fuck off entirely,” Sirius declared, and he glanced over at James who gave a sharp nod.

Snape stared with wide eyes. “Is that so you…”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, as Remus’ hand darted out and covered his mouth, pressing hard. “I t-think you m-might be about to suh-s-say something ph-phobic, and if you d-do, Sirius will puh-p-probably punch you. Th-then we have to involve the M-Met and he has puh-places to be. So it’s probably b-best that you juh-ju-just go.” He removed his hand and Snape stared incredulously.

Just as the other man turned on his heel, Sirius barked a laugh and asked loudly, “You want some hand sanitiser?”

Remus grinned and held his hand out and Sirius put a spray right on his palm. Rubbing them together, Remus sighed. “I’d l-love some tea.”

“And I’d like a date,” Sirius replied with a cheeky grin. “If you’re up for it.”

Remus nodded, grinning wildly, and leant forward when Sirius reached out, cupping his hand round the back of Remus’ neck. “Okay,” he whispered.

Sirius breathed him in, nuzzling their noses together. “Tonight? After the rally? Marls said you can’t make it but we’ll be at the local.”

“I’ll b-be there.”

Sirius squeezed his fingers lightly. “Best damn thing I’ve heard all day.”

*** 

Remus watched the group gathering in front of The Marauders. Marlene and Lily were in a small car, James and another person who looked strikingly like Sirius kissing directly next to a convertible with the top down. Sirius was stood by a shining chrome bike wearing a bright pink shirt that read Cinnamon Rolls, not Gender Rolls, with a trans flag painted on his cheek, and several of the trans and gay pride flags poking out the back of his bun.

He glanced over at Remus’ window, and Remus raised his own flags, waving them in response, and Sirius laughed happily. He mouthed exaggeratedly, ‘TONIGHT,’ and Remus nodded.

Absolutely tonight.

It didn’t come soon enough.

Remus left early and raced home to change out of his stodgy work clothes before getting the text from Marlene that they were already at the pub. He hurried along, not bothering with public transport, and managed to make it there in less than ten.

Bursting through the doors, he found the raucous group of friends all crowded round a table, and as Remus walked in, Marlene stood up. “Moony!”

He groaned at the sound of his old nickname, but he was ushered over and before he realised what was happening, he was tucked into Sirius’ side.

“You made it,” Sirius said very softly, right into Remus’ ear. 

“Y-yes I did.”

“Good.” Sirius pressed a soft kiss right under Remus’ ear, making him shiver all over.

“I was just telling the story of when I went with you to Tel Aviv for Passover,” Marlene said, leaning on Lily, and Remus groaned. “It was my grand coming out, you know. Remus’ parents are great, by the way. We were there for a few days and over breakfast his mum keeps staring at me, and finally she just goes, ‘You could convert, darling. No one would mind. You and Remus would make such beautiful babies. Your hair and his hair it would be just…lovely.’ So I look over at Remus and then back at her and say, ‘Well Hope, that would be lovely. Only problem we’re not physically able to combine our DNA you know. Two sperm producers, I’m afraid.’ She just looks at me and says, ‘Well dear, I don’t judge. And you have to admit you two would make gorgeous children.’”

Everyone at the table howled with laughter. “She didn’t get it?” James demanded.

Marlene grinned at Remus. “Poor Moony here was just banging his forehead on the table and was just like, ‘we physically cannot make babies mum. Neither one’s got a uterus between us.’ Then she just sighs and pets my hair and says, ‘Such a pity. Well if you do make babies, you be sure to bring them to visit. You’ll be the most lovely mum.’ I love her. I love her so much.”

Remus groaned, leaning into Sirius. “S-she really is th-that horrible.”

Sirius let his fingers drift up and down Remus’ spine. “She sounds quite nice, actually.”

“Everyone s-says that,” Remus said, but he was smiling now. And Sirius was getting him a drink. Then they were holding hands under the table.

Later Remus’ hands got bold, reaching up to trace a thumb over Sirius’ face paint, then his mouth got bold and he kissed him lightly on the corner of the mouth. Sirius had his arm round Remus’ waist, tucking him in close, and Remus knew this was the start of something brilliant.

When it was time to part ways, Remus found himself pressed against the brick wall, near the bike, being kissed within an inch of his life. Sirius’ hands were up his shirt, pressed flush against his warm skin, and Remus had one thigh between Sirius’ legs. 

“Fuck,” Sirius whispered. “I am so glad we opened up shop near you.”

Remus let his hands wander into Sirius’ hair which had come loose from the bun, and he tugged him close. “M-me too. S-s-so much.”

Sirius grinned against his mouth, then licked his bottom lip. “You wanna be my boyfriend, Moony?”

Remus grinned and held Sirius tight. “Only if you want to be mine.”

*** 

Sitting at his desk, Remus glanced up to see an empty baking room, and a note against the window. **Go to the back door.**

He wasted no time flying through the office, swinging it wide. His face erupted into a grin when he saw a small paper sack, a take away cup, and the smiling face of his boyfriend. He was dragged out, pressed against the wall, and kissed hard.

“Morning love.”

“Is th-this how all m-mornings will be with you?” he asked playfully.

Sirius smiled as he pressed the paper sack into Remus’ hands. “If you want them to be.”

Remus felt his heart soar. “Yes. I absolutely d-do.”


End file.
